The following is about the most courageous and strong willed person I have ever known, my son Jeremy.  After suffering near fatal injuries in a vehicle accident I have watched him struggle to not only survive, but to overcome the severe traumas his body endured.  In the past couple years he has gone through his own personal hell; and continues to work hard to regain the life he once had.  It is my hope that everyone who reads this will not only come to know this courageous young man but will gain an understanding of what people are forced to endure when they suffer a severe head injury.   Also I want every young person to understand that no one is promised a tomorrow and that families need to always be close to one another.  I almost lost my son without telling him how much I love him and I don’t want others to suffer in the same way.

 

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Jeremy was born on July 23^rd 1979, and was my second son.  He grew up surrounded by family on his grandfather’s farm.  His mom and I were fortunate to be able to give to our sons lots of space and fresh air to enjoy.  He was able to spend time playing with his cousins and his brother in the woods and fields of the rural countryside, far away from the presence of traffic, drugs, and crime.  Jeremy’s mother and I attended church with the boys and they grew up knowing right from wrong and a strong belief in God. The boys even attended a Christian school in those early years of their lives.  Jeremy for the most part had a typical childhood; doing those things that drive parents crazy, had the normal illnesses that beset children, and seemed to do well while in school.

When Jeremy’s mother and I decided to separate, things started to change in his life.  He was only 10 years old and I know it was a difficult thing for him to adjust to.  Unless you have been there yourself, no one knows the pain that one goes through when one has to explain separation and divorce to one’s children.  It broke my heart when he started sobbing at the news as I told him one afternoon in my truck.  I tried to make things as bearable as I could during this terrible time in our lives.  I spent many hours with both of my sons; going to the mall, having them work with me, going four-wheeling, launching model rockets, target practicing, and just trying my best to be a good father I could to them.  I pledged to see them everyday and I did so putting thousands of miles on my vehicles just to be with them. I saw them everyday after school and welcomed the chance to spend as much time with them whenever I could, even to the point of not dating or starting a personal life. But it was apparent that I wasn’t doing all I could.

As Jeremy was growing up into his teens he and his brother were drawn closer together which was a blessing.  Below the surface many things were troubling him and he would talk to me about it on a limited basis.  As time passed Jeremy was getting involved in things that I was unaware of and would later bring him to the point of death.  He was withdrawing from his family and started getting involved in a new circle of friends.  His attitudes started changing and he was doing rather ignorant things; things he knew were wrong.  He was caught smoking marijuana in his car with two friends and then lied to me when I gave him his driver’s license (which was returned to me by a deputy sheriff).  To this day I have no idea what was going on in his mind.

When Jeremy turned 16 he got a car almost immediately and began driving.  He’d cause me great concern with his constant speeding and the reckless way he drove.  Like most parents I spent many sleepless nights worrying and praying for both of my sons.  As he grew older he had his share of tickets and suspensions, and several accidents; some of which he lied to me about.  When Jeremy reached his 20^th birthday I knew he was using marijuana but had no idea he was using so much.  He did admit to me that he had tried cocaine but only once and didn’t like it.  He also told me he had tried beer but again didn’t like it.  I later learned that he was getting high every day, would work that way and drove home many nights in the same condition.  Also he had become a recreational user of cocaine as well as a beer drinker. All the things he knew was wrong but it did them anyway. I know that many parents go through the same thing everyday of their lives and now I was among them.  I talked to him about it, pleaded with him but to no avail.  All my talks fell on deaf ears.

On the night of June 6^th 2000, Jeremy was on his way home from being with some friend’s when the worst possible thing happened.  At 11:30pm I awoke to see that he was not home as usual, then at 11:45 my lights blinked off then on and within a couple of minutes I heard my scanner go off.  Greenwood Fire and Rescue was being sent out to the scene of a traffic accident with the victim lying in the middle of the road.  Within in a short time I heard the ambulance pass my townhouse with the call going out to the local medical center, “Priority 1 patient, severe head trauma.”  When I first heard about the accident I started praying for the victim and his family.  I was thinking about calling Jeremy to see if he was ok but I didn’t and tried to go back to sleep.  At 12:30am I received the call I never thought I would get.  The hospital called and informed me that my son Jeremy was involved in an accident and that it didn’t look good.  The first thought that went through my mind was “My God that was Jeremy in the middle of the road and who just went by my house.”  The doctor wanted me there as quickly as possible because Jeremy was not expected to live through the night.  I called his brother and mom and informed them of what had transpired then I started praying that Jeremy would not die until he had made his peace with God.  As I drove though town I hit all green lights and was able to make it safely to the medical center.      

When I arrived at the medical center I saw several of his friends leaving and asked them what had happened and got no response, I guess they were in shock.  I was not able to see my son upon my arrival but was ushered into a waiting room. Outside of the room were many young people, all in shock and many were crying.  Finally we were taken upstairs to the 3^rd floor waiting room and were told by his doctor just how extensive his injuries were.  I was speechless and his mom started to cry.  Around 1:30 am we were finally able to see him.  There lying on a floating bed (to help keep his lungs clear) in the Intensive Care Unit was Jeremy; eyes closed and totally blackened, head bandaged, and tubes running into every part of his body.  He was not moving and looked so horribly hurt and close to death.  He had severe head and facial fractures and severe closed brain trauma, ruptured spleen, nicked liver, and damaged lungs (one collapsed once, the other twice during his stay there). The report stated that he had lost 3 liters of blood, had gurgling sounds in his lungs and decreased breath sounds on one side. Also he was unresponsive to any pain stimuli and both pupils of his eyes were fixed and dilated.  There was blood coming from his mouth, nose and ears, and his head was bandaged and blood covered.

I found out that he had gone off the side of the road, hit a power company transformer and went airborne flipping over twice and was ejected and found 20 feet from his car in the middle of the road.         

I went out to the waiting room so others could come in to see him and say good bye because he was so close to death.  During those first hours I sat in a chair trying to sleep and was plagued by many thoughts. “How were we going to work tomorrow?  Who would help me with the expense if I had to bury him?”  “What was I going to do with his stuff at home?” So many thoughts that I am amazed that I didn’t go crazy.  To this day I don’t remember many of the people who were there or who came by to see him.  Many of the day-to-day events were nothing but a blur to me.  I made some of the hardest phone calls of my life informing people of what had occurred.  Early the next morning we were informed that a huge blood clot had formed on the left side of his brain and needed to be removed. This was done and he was placed in his own room where no outside noises could affect him. Even though he was in a coma he could hear all that was going on around him and he would respond.  He was given medicine to paralyze him just to keep him still so he could rest. 

As the days passed he remained in critical condition, his temperatures started climbing ranging from 101 to 103 degrees, and the respirator was working beyond its limits and still his brain was not getting enough oxygen.  Every CAT scan came back worse than the previous one.  It got to the point that I told the doctor not to tell me any more results unless they were good ones.  I could not handle any more bad news.  Jeremy was given many antibiotics to help bring down his fevers.  They placed him on ice blankets to keep him cool.  With every passing day there was nothing but bad news; I thought that unless his temperatures would come down his brain would be fried.  During this time it seemed that the harder I prayed the worse he became.  I didn’t know what to do.  So in my despair I called out to God, asking him to do one of two things for Jeremy: either heal him or to take him away from his pain.  I did not want to see him suffer anymore.  On the night of Fathers Day it was decided that he was to have tracheotomy and feeding tube placed in him.  After the third week his temperatures started to level off, his lungs were cleaned out and he was soon placed on pure oxygen.  Without any further problems Jeremy stabilized and was breathing on his own.

Many people and churches soon found out about Jeremy and were praying for his recovery.  With every daily visit I started to notice some movements in his arms and hands; and on one visit I saw his left arm actually find his right hand and hold it.  I had a scare one night when his hand started up his body and felt the tube in his throat.  When he was moved to his own private room outside of the special care unit, one of his nurses swore that he was peaking at her with one of his eyes.  This was proven to be true when it was reported to me that he actually opened his right eye one day on day shift.  On the 4^th of July his neurologist was examining him and in the presence of his mom and grandparents he raised his right thumb in the air on command.  His doctor made the comment that we are getting through to him.  So it was during this time the decision was made to send him to an acute rehab hospital outside of Richmond, Virginia.  On the 11^th of July Jeremy started his journey to recover what was lost and start the long road to what ever a normal life he could have.  He was transferred to Cumberland Hospital.

Cumberland Hospital sits between several rivers on 1,200 acres of beautiful land located in New Kent County, Virginia.  The buildings were nice as was the staff but their equipment left a lot to be desired.  What they lacked in modern equipment was more than offset by the care given to him by the nurses and aides.  Of course, his room was sparse of furnishings and needed a good painting but we took care of that by bringing him posters of cars, scripture verses, and a ton of photos.  I brought him down a radio and his television so we could play tapes and music for him to help stimulate his senses.  The trip was a difficult one; almost three hours from Winchester.  The traffic at times was horrible and I got into a habit of leaving very early just to avoid it.

The first weekend I spent with him was one that I will never forget.  As I entered his room Jeremy was laying on his left side facing the wall.  The room was dark and I felt that he seemed dark in spirit.  A faint smile crossed his lips when he heard my voice as I pulled his bed away from the wall and sat down next to him.  It was so good to see him.  During those first several days much time was spent in prayer and reading the Bible to him.  One of his friends traveled with me and spent hours holding his hand and talking with him.  Nothing can ever explain the horrible feeling I had when I had to leave him to come home but I made the trip down to see him every weekend and would spend eight to ten hours with each visit.  One Sunday morning I was playing his radio, tuned on a Christian station and the song “Majesty” started playing.  I reminded Jeremy that it was a song that I used to play on my saxophone when attending church.  As I turned to tune in the song I commented that I wished I could get to come in better.  When I turned back to Jeremy he was lying in his bed with his head turned towards me and both eyes were opened!  He was looking right at me!  What a wonderful sight.  I started crying and told him that things were ok now.

Jeremy turned 21 on the 23^rd of July 2000 and spent his birthday with family and friends somewhat in a coma.  At least he was still alive and fighting to come back, but still no one should celebrate any birthday like this.  As his mom took photos of him that day in his chair I did notice him watching us with his eyes behind sunglasses.  But again this was not what I had wanted for him.

Everyday the staff would work hard with him, checking on him every two hours, therapists working him with his range of motion, stimulating his senses and trying many methods to try to bring him out of his coma.  We would call everyday to check on him and his progress.  There were times when the staff was faced with a crisis with one of the other residents and I would not be able to find out about his day but the nurses were always very polite and understanding with us.

Jeremy worked hard as did the staff but his progress was very slow as would be for someone with his huge amount of injuries. He was being supported by Virginia Medicaid and since this hospital was a for-profit facility he had to meet certain criteria to continue to stay there.  After four months it was determined that he needed to be placed in a long term nursing sub-acute facility.  He was not progressing like they had hoped and every two weeks we would have a family care meeting by phone and I was a nervous wreck hoping that he had made some improvements that would allow him to continue his stay there.  This fell through, and on November 11^th, 2000 he was transferred to the Beverly Healthcare facility in Hagerstown, Maryland.

Jeremy started another phase of his recovery.  Now he was in a nursing home, again not what I had hoped but at least he was closer to me.  I promised him that as long as God would give me the strength I would be with him everyday, and as of the writing of this article I have kept that promise.  The staff of Beverly has taken quite a shine to Jeremy and he is responding to it well.  He is now out of his coma and is striving to move forward.  Since his move there he has removed his breathing tube (on his own) and is doing fine breathing normally.  Jeremy has received the same type of therapies he was getting while at Cumberland but once again the amounts are limited to Maryland Medicaid, which is a constant source of frustration to me.  The only answer to this problem that I can see is to raise enough money to bring him home, have him receive one-on-one care and pay for his therapies directly.  I am sure that many parents will agree with me that their hope and dreams would be the same as mine.  Jeremy’s family all agree that we want him home with us.

During my many hours and days with Jeremy I have seen and experienced so much.  I have seen a side of the medical profession that is a very difficult one, one that I couldn’t and wouldn’t do.  I have witnessed death, seen the hurt and the tears that the staff shows when this happens.  I am so proud of the ladies who have worked so hard with Jeremy and I will never forget any of them.  Each person who has spent time with him has brought with them something special of their own and has imparted it to him.  Jeremy smiles, hugs, and kisses them all.  He fights with some but he responds to each of them in his own way.

Jeremy has progressed so much since being brought to Beverly and I am so proud of him and what he has accomplished.  I tell everyone that it has been a total team effort.   Jeremy’s strong will to live and make a comeback, the healing power of almighty God, lots of prayer and love, and the extremely hard work of the staff and family members.  As I work every day my mind is always focused on my son and what I can do to further help him and to be able to bring him home.  He lived with me before his accident and all his things are still here.  Everyday I pass his room and remember, as I travel around the area I see jobs that he worked on and I remember.  I have dedicated the rest of my life to see that he recovers as much as he and God will allow and it is my goal to bring him home to his family.  My life now exists of working, seeing and spending time with my grandson and working with Jeremy.  I don’t take time to do anything special for myself except spending time with Jeremy.  I am not starting this movement or creating this Trust Fund to draw any attention to me nor do I want any special accolades for myself; my only reward will be to see my son home by my side.

Jeremy’s brother as well as my family understands my feelings and supports me in what I want to do.  They know how important it is for him to have me by his side everyday.  They have seen the way he has responded and progressed because he has had family there.  I feel that many people in the same situation would do exactly what I am doing.  I have seen this at Cumberland and with other brain injury victims at Beverly.  My goals are to convey to the readers the importance of family, involvement with others, giving of yourselves, and hopefully offer a better understanding of medical professions and what people with brain injuries go through.  Jeremy continues to this day trying to recover his speech; but converses with us with head nods and loving gestures.  He tries so hard to recover the use of his arms and legs.  His strength is unbelievable and I am so in awe of him.  We ask that you pray for him and others like him. Perhaps you could pay a visit to your local nursing home and brighten up someone’s day. 

At this time I want everyone reading this to understand one very important point:  no matter what you may feel towards your parents and family, they are your truest friends period.  You may think your “buds,” “dogs,” or “bros” are there for you until the end, and in fact for a while, but in reality for the long haul only your parents and family will be there for you.  Jeremy had many friends who came to visit him, stay with him pray and encourage him.  Many wrote letters, sent flowers and cards and many gave blood in his name; but after they were not allowed to see him due to over stimulation of his brain many stopped coming altogether.  I firmly believe that as long as he had a nice car to drive, money in his pocket, drugs to use and alcohol to drink he had all the friends he needed.  Consequently, as time passed the only people who remained close to him and stuck by him were his family.  Even today, the last time any of his old friends came to see him was right before Christmas of 2001. The true test of friendship is being there no matter what happens and his friends have proven to me just how shallow they really are.               

In closing, please remember as you go through your day that there are many people like Jeremy who need your thoughts, support, and prayers.  People, who just need a hug and someone to care, people who need a little encouragement or a pat on the back.  Some need more.  Please get involved and help where you can.  We have established this Trust Fund to help in his recovery and to ultimately bring him home.  Any help you can offer us, we will gladly accept.  Thank you.